On death and dying: How can I comfort you? (Part II of II)

AS a recap, a medical doctor named Mario was diagnosed with Hepatitis B and with liver cirrhosis in the late ’90s. He got over the disease and lived comfortably for another 11 years. The ailment came with such rebound that nothing else could be done. Mario sought alternative healing but to no avail. He died a year after his cancer recurred.

It is always with deep sorrow when a family or friend passes on to the next life. And it is also with greater pain to think about the loved ones who will be left behind to experience the void left.

So many lessons can be recognized in Mario’s plight. The first lesson is that of acceptance or being open to the realities of life. It is man’s nature to have denials when something deemed unacceptable comes. Understandably, denial is a way of showing fear and helplessness.

We move into blaming people, situations and even God. We ask God, “Why me Lord?” We had forgotten that we are what our choices or decisions were. We simply became a product of what we did and the kind of lifestyle we led.

Then a false level of positivity replaces the denial, and we somehow forget to become more objective. Mario turned to alternative healing. That is good so long as we practice realistic positivity. With an open mind, we try new techniques but we must not solely depend on them.

And for the so-called healers, who made Mario believe that healing will be successful, let us not make the supernatural or paranormal as a lame excuse for something that is medical in nature just to be patronized. I don’t understand why some healers can make people believe in concepts like “kulam” and “barang” when there is actually none. Be responsible for what you say. 

And for the others that believe that they are experiencing “kulam or barang” when something goes wrong in their lives, wake up! Analyze first if it is simply the law of cause and effect (also known as karma). Though I personally believe there are people capable of black magic, but it doesn’t happen to everyone though. Next lesson learned, be wary of believing promises of healing and know what is true and real. To the practitioners, be truthful in what you say. You are not God and only God is the better healer.

Mario was a very loving husband and father. He did everything for his family and this is ideal. But he made everyone dependent on him, serving his family and everyone else to the best he can. His death was a big blow and made everyone helpless. Ellie felt helpless since Mario had not let her be independent. For a while, Ellie could not stand up on her own nor go to her own clinic because she didn’t know how to drive. Mario took care of paying the bills and doing some chores. He pampered his family as if he would stay for a lifetime. Lesson learned — learn to stand on your own and never be dependent on anyone. 

But how could I really have comforted you, Mario? A year after your death, I had sleepless nights when all I did was think about how else I could have probably helped you. I even dreamt of you hugging me while I was saying thank you to all the help you had given to my family and the valuable friendship we’ve had for the 14 years.

Mario, I prayed hard to the good God to extend your life, so that you can still help a lot of people. I had given up my own wishes just to give way for your light to shine more. And that’s because I love you as a friend and brother. You are a blessing to many, but you have forgotten to take care of yourself. That is not selflessness. You forgot to take care of that vessel God has given you and took yourself for granted. I wished you could have loved yourself more.

A lot of people nowadays seem to be afflicted by diseases or ailments that once were so rare. It is how we conduct our lives, food that we eat, the kind of stress we undergo each day and the effects of the so-called modernization that we had forgotten how it is to live clean and simple.

We lived as if there was no tomorrow. And what did some of us get? Indeed, our tomorrows were radically reduced because we contracted so many ailments that could have been avoided if only we took care of ourselves. Cancer is such a normal “disease” that is proliferating among the young and old.

The answer lies obviously within us. We enjoyed complexities. We’d rather drink and be merry when we can have a quiet night strolling down the park or simply listen to good music and read a book.  We’d rather eat fast food rather than enjoy the old native chicken tinola our lolas used to cook as comfort food.

I also remember as kids, after we took a nap, we’d enjoy nilagang mais (corn) or saging (banana) as a meryenda. Kids nowadays would rather sit and play with their computer games while gobbling down hamburgers or hotdogs.

Aren’t we all living a dangerous life? The consequences are inevitable.

Amidst these trials, how do we really comfort each other? Hold a person’s hand and assure him that there is still hope and love around them. Help them pray to the Almighty and ask for more graces and strength to cope with the adversary. Offer your shoulder for them to lean on and your ears to listen to their woes. Pat his back and assure them of your support and build his faith to be able to move mountains. Stay by their side and be their true friend. 

Mario, I whispered to God my wish that He keeps you well and happy in His Kingdom. You are always in our hearts.

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Stargazer is a life coach, aura reader, psychic/clairvoyant, and lecturer on the paranormal. She uses the aura, energies & vibrations as focal points of her psychic readings. Using several techniques involving the psychological, spiritual, paranormal and her own experience of the intricacies of life, Stargazer makes one get in touch with his inner and understand life in a positive manner. Faith in God and belief in self is what Stargazer emphasizes on. Currently, Stargazer is a radio anchor of DZMM Teleradyo, the radio arm of ABS-CBN. Her show “Pinoy Vibes” has been airing every Sunday morning since Sept. 2007. She can be reached at [email protected].  For more information, please visit http://stargazer.ph/.